The Culture Fix

Not wanting to be outdone by Saudi Arabia's recent ban on red things, the ruling Patriarchy sent the Mormon Mutaween into Spencer's Gifts at Layton Hills Mall armed with a warrant to seize anything "depicting nudity, sexual conduct, or sexual excitement." While acknowledging that the national chain wasn't selling anything illegal, they did say the store failed to "verify shopper's ages" and that "sexually oriented merchandise was in plain view." The haul? Sexy candy.

After a tough week in which Romney capitulated and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was snubbed at the Grammy's, the Kingdom of Zion has retaliated by attempting to remove malt beverages from grocery stores, prohibit restaurants from serving Long Island Iced Teas, slandered African-American babies, and rebuffed an attempt by Salt Lake City to establish a domestic partner registry for health insurance purposes.

One has to but to pick up a newspaper here on any given day to get their culture fix on. Though there is much to rant and rail about, Utah does have four distinct seasons, mountains galore, and some of the best fly fishing in the lower 48. Oddly enough, there are also a few microbreweries in the state that are perennial medal winners at the Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado.

As I watch the snow plow bury the entrance to my driveway for the twenty-somethingth time this winter I am reminded that it is not so much where you reside, but where you are able to escape to.

Five days to Cabo.